Mirror mirror on the wall…

Meaningful connections social media can support instead of replace: what a 2022 essay about phones at the dinner table got right, what it missed, and what changed when a room full of adults picked the same tool back up on purpose.

Rediscovering Real Connections in the Digital Age

Humans are inherently social creatures, built for face-to-face communication and constant action to survive. This natural inclination is evident in our history: we walked together discussing important topics, enjoyed conversations while strolling through a park, worked in tribes, gathered food, built shelters, and protected our communities. These activities required close contact and communication. Today, however, many of us find ourselves isolated, staring at screens rather than making eye contact with those around us.

Instead of giving a hug, a handshake, or a warm, encouraging smile, we often press the “like” button. While this action provides temporary pleasure by releasing oxytocin and dopamine, it will never replace the evolutionary driving forces that make us human. Social media, with its countless advantages, should be used as a tool rather than a relationship substitution device.

What Really Matters

When you’re sitting at the dinner table and feel the urge to pull out your phone to check on your favorite celebrities, consider this: Jenna Marbles never changed your diaper, your mother did. Logan Paul never broke his clay piggy bank to give you $30 for your birthday, your brother did. Kim Kardashian never spent two hours in the kitchen cooking your favorite food, your mother did. Dwayne Johnson never changed a flat tire for you, your father did.

Appreciate the people who live with you. Don’t take them for granted. When they take an interest in what you do, return the gesture. It takes very little effort to ask a question or start a discussion. These are real people, deserving of your time and attention. At my dinner table, phones are not allowed unless it’s an emergency. The twenty minutes you spend with your family and friends should be sacred. Treasure it. There will come a time in your life when you’ll wish you had shown more interest and asked more questions. Don’t let social media replace real connections and values.

Remember, social media engineers are the same people who design gambling machines to be addictive. A genuine smile, a warm hug, or an uplifting conversation is still worth more than 100 likes on your Instagram post. Even if you have 1000 likes, the idea remains the same. Cherish those who changed your diaper, cooked your food, sacrificed their piggy bank, and changed your tire. They are your family and friends, they are real people.

What Meaningful Connections on Social Media Actually Look Like

The engineers who designed these platforms to be addictive weren’t wrong about the mechanism. They just assumed the only thing worth extracting was attention. Two weeks ago, I watched twenty-five adults prove that assumption wrong, and prove that meaningful connections social media makes possible are still very real.

They started writing. Blog posts about human relationships. About the tendency to self-sabotage, and how to stop. About what real business communication actually sounds like, versus the version everyone was taught. About the simple act of learning to enjoy writing again. The classroom was electrified, not because I told a good story, but because every one of them realized the same platform that had been quietly mining their attention for years could just as easily carry their ideas out into the world.

Now they’re publishing on Substack, by the dozens. Not for likes. For an audience, a voice, and in more than a few cases, the beginning of an actual income.

That’s the answer to the dinner table, I think. Not “put the phone away forever,” but “know exactly what you’re using it for.” A like button is a transaction with no memory. A published idea, read by a stranger who needed to hear it, is something else entirely. That’s the real case for meaningful connections social media can create instead of replace. My students didn’t need me to lecture them about addictive design. They needed one push toward asking the question I keep asking myself: how do you turn the problem into the solution? Twenty-five people just answered that question in real time, and the answer is still being written.

Where to Put That Intention: A Platform-by-Platform Guide